Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
In a nutshell...
So I am back. In a nutshell, nothing has changed much.
Even though I graduated, received my ARRT certification, psoriasis spots fading away, nothing has changed much inside.
I feel as lonely as ever.
This blog was solely created for my period of frustration pertaining to my skin problems, but I think I will merge another topic in this blog that influences the flare of psoriasis: emotional stress.
I know this blog does not get many views from around the world, and I know I will someday delete this entry when I feel like it (I hope not).
I feel lonely because I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. We have "known" each other since May of 2012 but did not officiate our exclusive relationship status until November 24th, 2012. I have to admit that sometimes I forget to greet him "Happy Monthsary" as I think he does, too. This forgetfulness started late 2013 and our monthsary just faded into oblivion.
I do not question myself if this is true love or not. I know I am in love with him and I love him. I cannot possibly be without him. I have grown dependent on this man whom I have mostly in contact through web chats and BBM messages. Every waking hour is him in my mind.
I made so many promises that I am drowning in them because I do not think I will be ever to follow through. I am nearing my 25th birthday without any success in moving away from my parents.
I appreciate my parents' generosity by providing me with food, shelter, and transportation. But they can not seem to let me go. I think the only way to break this is to actually just move out one day. Discussions with them are useless. I am still stuck.
I already packed and have the ticket to board the bus this Tuesday. I have a very sick feeling about this. My life is going to unravel. The shell will be broken and I need to decide whether to stay with my parents, or to stay with Him.
I have been thinking that this August trip to visit him will be my last physical encounter with him. I will ask him if he is willing to wait for me for another two more years, and clearly, I know he will break the relationship off one day because he can find another woman closer to his current residence with no added baggage.
I am ready for when he leaves me. He is the best man I have ever met. Though we argue a lot, we learned to discuss our problems and find solution. We learned a lot about ourselves.
Dear Thomas,
I am sorry. We will make the best of our time together in August.
^and that makes me very sad already because I am not sure if I will be able to see him this August. My parents are preventing me. I assured my parents that his family are very welcoming. They have visited me before in Chicago. My parents are worried about the "devil" and he will ruin me. I know myself better than the devil. If he kills me during the process, let it be. But he cannot kill my determination to be with this man and to destroy our future and my family's future. This fear that my parents are talking about are based on their experience growing up and finding love. I understand as my mom was 9 years older than my dad. My brother and I were illegitimate children. My paternal grandparents' were okay with the consequences (read: illegitimate children), but my maternal grandparent and relatives were not, as usual.
I understand. But somehow I just need to get out. I know I will get a stable job and I know I will be stable financially. I do not know what my parents are waiting for because I am capable of surviving this world if they just learn to let me go...
Even though I graduated, received my ARRT certification, psoriasis spots fading away, nothing has changed much inside.
I feel as lonely as ever.
This blog was solely created for my period of frustration pertaining to my skin problems, but I think I will merge another topic in this blog that influences the flare of psoriasis: emotional stress.
I know this blog does not get many views from around the world, and I know I will someday delete this entry when I feel like it (I hope not).
I feel lonely because I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. We have "known" each other since May of 2012 but did not officiate our exclusive relationship status until November 24th, 2012. I have to admit that sometimes I forget to greet him "Happy Monthsary" as I think he does, too. This forgetfulness started late 2013 and our monthsary just faded into oblivion.
I do not question myself if this is true love or not. I know I am in love with him and I love him. I cannot possibly be without him. I have grown dependent on this man whom I have mostly in contact through web chats and BBM messages. Every waking hour is him in my mind.
I made so many promises that I am drowning in them because I do not think I will be ever to follow through. I am nearing my 25th birthday without any success in moving away from my parents.
I appreciate my parents' generosity by providing me with food, shelter, and transportation. But they can not seem to let me go. I think the only way to break this is to actually just move out one day. Discussions with them are useless. I am still stuck.
I already packed and have the ticket to board the bus this Tuesday. I have a very sick feeling about this. My life is going to unravel. The shell will be broken and I need to decide whether to stay with my parents, or to stay with Him.
I have been thinking that this August trip to visit him will be my last physical encounter with him. I will ask him if he is willing to wait for me for another two more years, and clearly, I know he will break the relationship off one day because he can find another woman closer to his current residence with no added baggage.
I am ready for when he leaves me. He is the best man I have ever met. Though we argue a lot, we learned to discuss our problems and find solution. We learned a lot about ourselves.
Dear Thomas,
I am sorry. We will make the best of our time together in August.
^and that makes me very sad already because I am not sure if I will be able to see him this August. My parents are preventing me. I assured my parents that his family are very welcoming. They have visited me before in Chicago. My parents are worried about the "devil" and he will ruin me. I know myself better than the devil. If he kills me during the process, let it be. But he cannot kill my determination to be with this man and to destroy our future and my family's future. This fear that my parents are talking about are based on their experience growing up and finding love. I understand as my mom was 9 years older than my dad. My brother and I were illegitimate children. My paternal grandparents' were okay with the consequences (read: illegitimate children), but my maternal grandparent and relatives were not, as usual.
I understand. But somehow I just need to get out. I know I will get a stable job and I know I will be stable financially. I do not know what my parents are waiting for because I am capable of surviving this world if they just learn to let me go...
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